Hate Thy Self...

The last few nights have been filled with sounds of the Evil One telling me how super great he is and how much of a worthless pathetic person I am . If for nothing else I think it for his own twisted up fun to see how many differnt ways he can get me to feel like total shit . Also to make me doubt everything and everyone around me . I take everything personaly when I get rejected on anything I ask and thats when the Evil Bastard comes back out to murder me again like its his civic duty to blugen my brain with his youth dagger . I started the nights good listening to my Irish Folk music and it quickly deteriorated in to me hating everything that I do . I listened to him tell me that why are my need less important than everyone elses , truly they are not but he tells me that everyone elses are more important than mine . So I start down that long black hole of trying to relive all the bad monents in the last few years and like that broken record that gets stuck on the big scratch , I sit on the same events over and over all night . For some reason it allways goes back to lack of physical affection in my relationship , why does it allways go back there . Then I am reminded that I am to pushy I try to force the issue which pushes her farther away . I start to say fuck it a get pissed off that I just want , maybe need aliite affection . Then I start to think that maybe me asking to for a massage or to give one is consitered pressure ? So I tell my self no more will I ask or offer , I will wait till she comes to me . In pops the Basatrd and he spits his truth about she is better than you and you dont wear the pants , she does and will tell you what is what , when is when , so the Evil One stomps on my brain with al his might till I just realy want to dig him out with an ice pick and just go for self . So honestly he wins and I belive he is right that I am less than everyone else and that I should just sit back and wait and put all my own needs and wants in a locked up hole in my head and just bow my head down and walk through this life in the waiting position . Well it time to go face the demon tonight in that small confined space behind my eyeballs , damn I wish it would stop , but i have no idea on how to end it .
P.A.