Wont shut up....

I have been to the Place I Hate to much lately and every time I go Evil Bastard shows up with his stright jacket on and his Nazi youth dagger to fillet my brain . The Bastard can take any slice of reality and spin and weave his own little piece of heaven in hell for me , he shows up in the dead of the night to inteject his nonsence in to the grey matter that sloosh's around in my cranium . The Bastard takes a completely innocent thing like my wife going out with her friend for coffee and twists it into a full blown bad scenario , he starts with why does it take 3 hours for a cup of coffee ? Why would it take that long for coffee ? Is there something else ? There has to be , cause coffee gets cold after some time and you dont drink it . Thats when it goes to - well she doesnt evey touch me or she doesnt want me , she must not want me and if thats so then why am I here ? Cant even get a hug during the day cause she is to busy rushing around the house to take the 20 seconds to make me feel wanted . So there has to be some reason she takes that long for coffee , is it that she finds eveyone else attractive and not me ? Now it time for me to tell the Bastart to shut the fuck up , here is your Guyana Punch - now go to sleep you fuck . The Bsatard drinks up his cyanide puch to the last drop and asks for more , then returns to the scene of his blood craving deep in the cerebral cortex of grey matter . Now I am thinking of putting the face paint on and running down the halls with my Machete making everyone's necks bloody , so he rturns with a vengance to the senario of my wife now not at the coffee house but somewere other than here doing who knows what with someone I have never meet . Do I truly belive it .... No ..... at the time yes cause The Evil Bastard has a mind control that I have not been able to overcome . So now I am back to the why's ? What is wrong with me ? She hasn't reached out to touch my hand in months , she hasn't stopped me to give me a hug in forever , she hasn't looked at me since I don't know when . There has to be something wrong with me , thats it - it is me - I must be unattractive , it must be I am unhappy that what it must be , I am mean , I am upset all the time , I am worthless , I am depressing to everone around me , thats why she doesn't want me . Now that I have murdered my selfesteam , lets get on to the daily assassination of my mind . Now I just go over senario after senario , until I am at the point of lossing my mind , then I get a text saying she is on her way home and I all of a sudden cant wait to see her . Thats when the Evil Bastard returns to his Bastard cave to wait in utter darkness til the next time he can come out and walk through the death fields of the brain ..... just a very small glimps of what I see in the the dark of myself , I am not that good at this I dont belive but then again I feel that I am just talking to myself all over again . Were are my padded walls ? I am going to go until later .......
P.A.